As I am getting closer to the forty-year mark in ministry I am reminded of how much I thought I knew that I never knew. I am continually writing a book entitled, “If I Could do it Again.” I think this book is in the heart of every minister over the age of fifty.

Something that I attempted to do from the very beginning of my ministry was to build relationships. I was too naive at the time to associate this with networking. Relationships have always been important to me. The thought of befriending people just to open doors for me was so beyond my thinking. So you can imagine my surprise as a young minister to discover that people were not interested in connecting with me unless I had connections.

I can recall when I was a pastor and we were using some rooms in an office complex that combined were barely 1,000 square feet. Our ministry was growing and we needed more space. We moved from that location to a larger place down the road (literally). The new space was a little more than 6,000 square feet. One of the local pastors came to see our “growth” and surmised at that time that we were now eligible to do some things with him since he had also reached that “6,000 square feet” mark. Needless to say our ministries never did do anything “together.”

I can also remember a time when God was bringing a major change in my life and ministry. As is often the case, others could see it in me and on me before I could. All of a sudden people wanted to become a part of what I was doing. Of course, there was always that one stipulation. I had to leave whoever was overseeing my ministry and they had to be the one in charge of me…and I had to remain exclusive to them. One minister wanted me to disengage myself from all other ministry friends. A little extreme, I thought. When these sort of offers began to come in after so many years of silence from the ministry community I began to inquire of the Lord what was happening. He began to show me the changes in my life and what those changes would mean. Naturally it did not cross my mind that I would be uprooted and relocated one thousand miles from that place of inquiry. People like being associated with what they consider to be power and possible door-openers.

Jesus travelled with, discipled and sent out those with whom He had built a relationship. Even though Judas betrayed Him, he was not excluded from the activities. If there was no relationship, there was no betrayal. When you stop and think about the law of averages, one out of twelve drop-outs is not bad. I have had worse averages in my years of ministry. Jesus’ ministry was built strictly out of relationships. He did not need or ask anyone to open doors for Him. Amazing how the Son of God knew where the Father wanted Him to go and what to do. He did not have mass healing meetings. He healed one or two at a time. I’m sure there was quite a crowd gathering to spend time with Him at Mary and Martha’s place, but the scripture only speaks of one sitting at His feet…not crowds.

The scripture tells us to know those who labor among us (1 Thessalonians 5:12). In some translations the word “know” is translated as “appreciate.” Both words, in my estimation, imply relationship, honor and respect.

I have much to learn, still, as I continue in ministry. The above scripture is one that I have taken very seriously because of the stewardship given to me over God’s sheep. For this reason I do not allow anyone to minister on my behalf with whom I do not have a relationship or the recommendation must come from a trusted relationship. That relationship may be in varying degrees, but whatever degree it is, it must be to the point that I can respect, appreciate and honor the man or woman of God, knowing that they care more about the sheep than their own ministries; their own fame; or their own fortune.

The workshops I have been facilitating for Success in Ministry continues to open the door for new relationships. While I value these new relationships my greatest joy comes from seeing the relationships growing between the ministers who attend. When I want or need someone to facilitate in my stead my first choice is to choose from among those who have been building relationship with me and/or each other. I have nothing against some of the more well-known ministers. I’m sure they could and would do a good job. However, most of them will not be around to help you or me walk through the message they have delivered.

Do not get me wrong. Every type of ministry is needed. Jonah had a message to deliver to a nation with whom he did not have a relationship. Nor did he care to relate to them. It was a much needed message and many lessons to be learned just from the response of Jonah. If young ministers think, though, that all ministry is this way, they become delusional in their expectations…and their disappointments become grievous.

I recently ministered for the first time to some young women at a Teen Challenge group. The invitation to do so came through a young minister I am in relationship with…and have been for a number of years. That relationship first came from the relationship I have with her pastor. Before she (and other members of her church) began coming to my workshops or spending time with me, they talked to their pastor first. I’m not talking about knowing this woman and her pastor casually. Her pastor invited me in to minister to his church because of the relationship he has with my pastor. He fellowshipped with my pastor for quite some years before I became part of the scene.

There is a huge difference between relationships and acquaintances. Ministers have many more acquaintances than they do true relationships. When I have done things out of acquaintances, more than once they have come back to bite me. I have learned over the years to follow the relationship. God can speak through acquaintances. He more often speaks through relationships.

Paul spoke of not ministering beyond his measure. We must be careful that our “measure” is not our imagination of a big, crowd-drawing ministry. I cannot think of a bigger or better ministry than to have a thirteen-year-old invite me out for a cup of coffee to tell me how much he appreciates being a sheep in my pasture…and why. This actually happened to me when I was a pastor. This same thirteen-year-old is now an adult, married with five kids and has a wonderful business. However, this is a kid few, if any, thought would succeed at anything. He (and often times his mother) asked me some really hard questions. A pat answer would not suffice and I had to study to find answers. And these answers usually generated many more hard questions. I had a hungry, captive audience of a handful. If I had it to do over I would have the same audience again.

I’ve learned to stay in my measure. When things get crazy around me the Spirit of the Lord quickly tells me to “get back on the wall.” Why? Because that is where He has me most of the time. As long as you and God know what your measure is, you will be able to recognize those to whom you are called; those to whom you will build relationships and those you need to stay away from. I am discovering on a daily basis that you do not have a spot for me unless God makes that spot.

God will send you to people…and people to you who need what He has placed in you.

Jesus knew His measure. Paul knew his measure. What is your measure?

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