I Lost More Than Weight
January 15th, 2009
The last fifteen months have been monumental for me. More than a year ago I begin to tickle the 300 pound mark on my scales. I made a business trip in May, 2007. It was the worse trip I have made physically. If I did not have someone to help me drive the thousand miles I certainly would not have made it at all. I was tired, dizzy and short of breath the entire time. My traveling companion did the majority of the work, helping me along the way. My thoughts were that if I could just make it back home I had to do something about my health. I knew it was directly connected to my weight.
I had not been to a doctor in many years. I know my body pretty well and knew that if something did not change within a few days I was going to have to make that appointment. I literally hate going to doctors. I had my blood pressure taken at a drugstore. It was at stroke level. That was enough to scare me. It was now time for some serious action.
About that time my sister put some information into my hands that has literally revolutionized my life. Together, with that information, she and I have lost a lot of weight. She has been able to lay aside most of her medications and, for the first time in many years, her blood sugar levels are better than normal. This past summer marked my first time in over a year to consistently work in my yard, planting my gardens and doing physical labor I could not do the year before.
As my life began to change I noticed some other changes going on that were as significant. As I began to regain my health and other great perks, I was surprised by how others were reacting to my transformation.
No Food – No Fun – No Friends
Where I live, food is the center of the culture. As a matter of fact, if you do not eat the food others have prepared it is not uncommon for it to be taken as a personal rejection. I was not prepared for the blatant rejection of others because of food. Before I decided to lose weight it seemed easier for people to substitute shrimp for crawfish for me (I do not like crawfish). Now it is major for them to substitute a salad for all of it. I began to realize that the definition of hospitality was what made the host comfortable; not necessarily the guest.
Someone told me a few months ago when they were having a gathering at their house that the reason they did not invite me was because they did not want me to be uncomfortable while others were eating. It was ironical to me since in the past when eating at their house they would ask me what I liked to eat, making sure it was available for me. It would have been better if they had not told me about the gathering.
What I discovered was that something in eating foods considered healthy and/or losing weight seemed to expose something in other people. I do not think it is reserved just to food. I think it has to do with any major change we make in our lives. For some reason people tend to react as if I was now judging their eating habits, their weight and their ability to make changes in their own life.
I checked myself to see if I was speaking in a boastful way. I realized that I never mentioned what I was doing unless someone asked me about it or commented about what I was eating or the amount of weight I had lost.
I had no idea that the majority of my relationships existed only around the dinner table. With the decrease of social invitations I began to wonder about people who were diabetic or had food allergies. How did they manage socially? I realized how difficult it must be for them. To continue to be included many people just violate their dietary regimen with the hope of getting back on target later. Some are successful; some are not.
I am grateful for the people in my life who are adjusting to these remarkable changes in my life. I have been disappointed, however, by those who consider themselves to be my friends, yet are not able to digest this transformation in my life.
Why Avoid Me?
Can you imagine not seeing a friend for an entire year; you’ve lost over eighty pounds and they never say one word about it? I have been told that when you encounter someone that has lost an extreme amount of weight, there is the possibility of illness. Most people do not want to make someone feel uncomfortable if they are suffering from a disease. I realize that. However, if the person is a friend, it would seem to me that the question of sickness can be asked. I was surprised to find that friends with whom I have discussed the most intimate details of my life acted as if there was nothing different in my life at all.
I now have friends who are no longer friends and friends who do not communicate as often as they used to.
I’m Confused
In most situations when you have discovered something good you really want to share it with those you love and care about. The reality, though, is that it is confusing to know what to do. If you say something to someone it only points out that they are overweight and/or unhealthy. If you do not say anything it could be construed as being non-caring and selfish.
I remember having tons of clothes I could no longer wear. They were professional suits and well made clothes. I knew people who could wear them. I found myself hesitating to offer them to anyone for fear they would be offended. I realized that it is different when people of similar size trade or give clothes to each other. It is different if you offer larger clothes to someone who can wear them because they are now too big for you.
Rather than to further alienate the friends I had left I decided to sell them.
My Eyes are Open
This whole experience has been an eye opener for me. I hope that I am more sensitive to people who are going through major changes in their life, regardless of what it is. We do not like to admit it to ourselves or to others, how inadequate we can feel when someone seems to accomplish something as difficult as losing weight or changing any addictive behavior when we may have the same habit ourselves. What it says is that if one can do it, then I should be able to do it to.
While that thought is imprisoning for some it was freeing for me. It has always been a powerful challenge for me; if it has been done before, then I can do it too. I have to remember that everyone does not think this way.
It is very easy to give in to the pressures of being accepted and included. I have learned that the only thing that worked for me was that my goal of acquiring good health had to become more important than the people who would turn away from me once I reached my goal. I had to trust that other people would come into my life who would appreciate me whether I was thin or fat.
I have been fortunate that my sister and I have been able to support each other as we both lose weight and get healthy. I am particularly grateful for the friends I have who experienced the same bigotry I received, but from the other end of the spectrum. They are not overweight and have received criticism from others as well, for being thin. Encouragement is very helpful, regardless of how strong and successful a person may seem. There are people who will make it without any encouragement. It does not mean they could not have benefitted from kind words.
The most difficult times are at the beginning, making the decision to get started; and toward the end, having enough to finish.
Categories: People Experiences | 8 Comments
